I'm tired

I thought things were going well. I mean dad seemed to be on a somewhat sort of schedule with mom and I was feeling a little bit better. Not to guilty about certain things. I thought I could avoid my break-down.

I guess I counted my chickens before they hatched.

Today dad called me after he got home from visiting mom. He said that the Social Worker wanted to speak with him. He said okay.

Here is what he told him in a nutshell:

Wife isn't doing good. She is still violent, abusive, cursing, combative and then to add insult to injury she said that she is also racist. SW said that the doctors are trying to find the right meds to give her to calm her down but as of yet they haven't found it. If they don't find it soon (no time line) they will have to send her to a psychiatric ward at a hospital so they can figure out what to give her.

I'm sorry but isn't this a stage w/Alzheimer's patients? alz.org/alzheimers_deisease_stages_of alzheimers.asp states:

Stage 6: Severe cognitive decline(Moderately severe or mid-stage Alzheimer's disease)

Memory difficulties continue to worsen, significant personality changes may emerge and affected individuals need extensive help with customary daily activities.

Stage 7: Very severe cognitive decline(Severe or late-stage Alzheimer's disease)

This is the final stage of the disease when individuals lose the ability to respond to their environment, the ability to speak and, ultimately, the ability to control movement.
Frequently individuals lose their capacity for recognizable speech, although words or phrases may occasionally be uttered
Individuals need help with eating and toileting and there is general incontinence of urine
Individuals lose the ability to walk without assistance, then the ability to sit without support, the ability to smile, and the ability to hold their head up. Reflexes become abnormal and muscles grow rigid. Swallowing is impaired.

She is bit of both these stages.

There are a couple of things that bother me about what the SC said. One there is no time line on how long they are going to try and find the right meds to calm her down. Why are they thinking of putting her in the hospital? Aren't they supposed to be able to deal with this kind of behavior? I mean think about it, I realize my mom is far along w/Alz. BUT! BUT somewhere in the recesses of her mind she knows that if a stranger touches you, changing your clothes, your diaper, it is wrong. Wouldn't you fight with everything you have to make them stop??

I blame the nursing home. We've told them on countless occassions that my mother doesn't like loud noises and yet they scream her name. We've told them that they have to be forceful and yet gentle. Haven't they heard the old saying that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? I KNOW that they have 40 patients to deal with on the floor. I know they are getting paid minimum wage but if you want your job to be easier than if you could follow the 2 things we tell you day in and day out maybe just MAYBE she will co-operate.

The other thing about what the SW said that really bothers me is that she called my mom a racist. That is not my mom. She didn't raise us to be that way so how can she be one now? She would become very angry with us if we ever said ANYTHING derogatory. It's because of the Alz. I know it is. And I would think that the SW would know this too. And does she think that telling my dad would help matters?

I just have so many questions. And so much anger. I had a mini-break down at work today. I don't know how much longer I will be able to put on a brave face. I don't think much longer. I'm about to break and there is no one to put back the pieces.

What happens next?