dad's thoughts about mom
My thoughts
J has been in the nursing home for 6 days now. She is afraid of the people there that care for her and those that are being cared for. She does not want to be there. She looks for me all the time when I am not there. What am I to do? I have such a feeling of guilt that I gave the ok to put her there. Is there a way that I can take her home and care for her myself as I was? What are the consequences if I do? What happens with Medicaid? What would it cost me in money for the care she has already received? If I bring her home can I get some one in to help me care for her? What will be the cost? Is it the best thing to do for J? Is it the best thing to do for me? What should I do? Should I do it at all? Should I do anything at all? Should I just wait and see how things play out for a while? I love her so much that I can’t stand to see her unhappy. And she is so helpless and I know they try to care for her but it’s not enough. Its more cattle like care. If I’m not there or someone else then they take her to the common room whether she likes it or not and she doesn’t like it or want to go. They treat her abruptly when they undress or dress her or change her diaper; she hates it and strikes out. She tries to hide from them when I’m there and does not want to go near the common room. When they try to feed her it’s just a job to them and she just will not eat for them. It’s the same when they give her pills. It just breaks my heart and I just want to hold and protect her. When I’m not there I can’t protect her from her fears or worries. She is my J and I want her to feel safe and cared for. I don’t think she will ever feel that there. I don’t want to abandon her just so it will be the best thing for me. What should I do?
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