The drama of yesterday

I am not a drama queen, at least I like to think that I am not. BUt lately I feel as though I am. My safe world, the world I've tried so hard to protect is slowing crumbling down around me.
Last night dad called me to tell me the woes of my sister. It seems earlier in the day her boyfriend had "taken" the car. Gave her the excuse that he would wait in the car for her while she put on her make-up when she went downstairs the bf and the car were gone. And of course there was no way to get a hold of him b/c he didn't have his cell phone. My sister called my dad to tell him that the bf was gone and there was no way to get a hold of him. What should she do?, she cried to him.

Considering on Thursday the bad day my mother had and also my father this was not something he wanted to hear or deal with. He told her to wait it out. Wait 12 hours and if he doesn't return then call the cops. The cops. Not something my sister wanted to deal w/considering that she had a run in w/them last weekend in Washington, NJ. (btw if you are EVER in Washington, NJ get out of that town ASAP! The cops told my sister's lawyer this is how the town makes their money. They pull out-of-towners over for minor infractions & for whatever else they deem necessary and...well...JUST STAY OF WASHINGTON, NJ) So calling the cops was something she DID NOT want to do.

Thankfully(?) the bf came back. He gave no excuse as to why he disappeared. Then sometime in the afternoon th bf's brother came and took him home. The bf's mother thought not only was the bf a danger to himself but to my sister as well. What an amazing woman!!! So she sent the brother to come and bring him back down south.

I found out the bf his paranoid and he has been off his medication for a while now. NOt only is he paranoid BUT he is also an alcoholic and a bit of a drug user, soft stuff. GREAT! And the reason for his toy gun is to protect my sister. This sounds like a really bad movie. The little I know about paranoia (all from the movies and news) the outlook does not look good for either of them. Especially w/the toy guns and the claim of protecting her!!

I'm glad that his mom is taking the initiative since neither the bf nor my sister can. Hopefully now, he will get the help he needs and my sister will start to feel better and will try to pull her life together. She will get the help that she also needs. Slowly.

And she will stay away from him and vice versa. But since I know my sister, I don't think she will. Her mo is always the same when it comes to guys: find the most fucked up guy in the world, fall in love with him, pick up his bad habits and then try to heal him and when she can't fall apart. She needs their love. SHE NEEDS THEIR LOVE?? She can't be alone. She is afraid of being alone. If she doens't have a man in her life she is lost. No matter how bad he may be for her. She needs a man. It's like sex = love. She can't differentiate between the two.

What scares me more than anything is that if my dad pre-deceases my mom I will feel as though I am stuck (horrible) taking care of not only my mom but sister as well. Just because I feel it is my resposibility b/c I'm the oldest. Here's the thing: I want to know when my life begins? For most of my life I haven't done things b/c I ddin't want to disappoint my parent. It's a guilt that I don't think I could live with. I mean I still haven't come out to my dad nor did I come out to my mom. It's not something a good God fearing, Catholic man could live with. And that tears me apart.

I guess it's also why I'm not in any kind of relationship b/c that would mean I would have to tell him and right now is not the time. Not with all that is going on in his life.

So what do I? How am I going to handle this? Am I making a mountain out of an ant hill? Worrying about things I have no control of? I want my mom back. I've always thought my mom was always stronger than my dad. Not that this wouldn't affect her but I feel as though I could talk to her and she would have the answers to these questions and others that I have.