words that don't come easy for me

trust me
i love you
i promise
i have not yet said the above to anyone.

i know why the words "trust me" is difficult to say, i'm not sure it's true. & if i say those words i not only want you to believe in them & in me, but i also have to believe in them. i know what i am capable of, i know i can turn on a dime on someone, i believe in vengeance, an eye for an eye.

i have never said the words "i love you" to anyone that i was dating. i never felt that i did love them. and i'm not going to say something i don't believe in just b/c that person wants to hear them to make them feel better. it would be a lie, i would have to live with. and that's not something i want to live with.

the reason i don't make promises. is b/c i feel as thought cannot. there are too many uncertain variables. and i want to keep that thing i promised you. to me it's a vow. something i take very seriously. something i don't want to break. in my mind if i don't promise you but say i will try my hardest and it doesn't come to fruition and i know that i gave it 100% although i have failed you know that i tried & i didn't break the promise.

i know it may sounds as though i have high morals/values or that i'm totally off my rocker. but these are sayings that mean a great deal to me & i cannot simply say them until THAT one person comes into my life and makes me want to say them. say them with ease and without guilt. until then, these words won't pass my lips but i wish i could utter.