Jenny Passed Away Last Night

I don't know why I'm so angry about Jenny's passing. The woman was 102 years old. She was my mom's roommate as well. But still I am angry.

When her son, daughter-in-law and son-in-law came to visit they mostly spoke amongst themselves leaving Jenny to eat. They always brought up food for her b/c they believed that she didn't like the food the nursing home served. I don't blame her. But what bothers me is that they weren't there yesterday when dad and I arrived. They are usually there on the weekends and we chat with them. But yesterday they weren't. And it looked as though that's when she needed her family the most.

When we came into the room Jenny was propped up in bed. Her breakfast food was still there, it was 11:30'ish and the nurses left her alone. Yes, they checked in on her but she was ALONE. Me and my dad spoke with her. We said hello and if she looked as though she was having any trouble we would help her and we also said good-bye to her when we left.

It really bothers me that she was alone. When I went to my mom's room today, the curtain was drawn and I saw that her body was wrapped in the sheets. She looked like a mummy. A real sense of sadness fell over me. She was alone. She was alone.

The nurse said that she passed away during the night and they sensed the end was near b/c she was talking a lot and not making any sense. I wonder if they called her family to let them know? I hope that they did. But that's something I will never find out.

Jenny looked like the stero-typical sweet old Italian woman. Fierce but gently. And INDEPENDENT! She didn't like when anyone tried to feed her.

Jenny being alone. I realize that we all die ALONE but I've come to realize that at the nursing home 99% of them are alone most of the time. My mom being the exception to the rule. But that's b/c my dad visits her everyday. If my dad passes away before my mom will she be alone too? I mean I HATE going to that place. I HATE seeing my mom there. It is the most depressing place in the world. I really can't name anything more depressing than a nursing home. As soon as I'm there I'm watching the clock to see how long it will be before we will leave. We get there usually around 11:30 and leave by 2:30. It's the longest 3 hours EVER. So if my dad passes before my mom will I go there, at least on weekends just to check up on her? I HOPE SO. I can't promise that I will, but I hope to God I will have the strength and tolerance to go.

I so don't want my dad to go before my mom. I really wish God finds some compassion and takes my mom soon. This disease is called the long good-bye and this good-bye has been going on for 6 years now. I'm ready to say good-bye to my mom. She is only the shell of the woman who raised me. I hate her blank stare. I hate that she can't communicate. I hate that I can't tell her what is going on in my life and her not only listening but giving me her motherly advise.

So Jenny passed away last nite. May she rest in peace. I know she is in a far better place than she was. No matter how good the nursing home is, it wasn't home.